Short catch-up and apology

Abject apologies for having gone dark.

Short form is that I can’t totally get ahead of the back situation, though I even took the Unprecedented Step of asking the PCP for strong drugs.  Which work, to a point.  But not, alas, to the point necessary for peace, harmony, and getting any work done.

Tomorrow morning, a kind friend will be taking me to the walk-in clinic (which is absurd on the face of it, the walk-in clinic being about two miles from my house, but — strong drugs.  And back spasms.), where it is my very great hope that they will be able to provide something that (1) works to stop the more-or-less constant muscle spasms, and (2) doesn’t have the side effect of making me sick.  Though (2) is becoming less desirable as (1) takes on more necessity.

Aside the Constant Complaint Thread that’s been running on Facebook, below is probably the only notable thing I’ve said in three days:

Last night I finished listening to Accepting the Lance, by Sharon Lee and Steve Miller, narrated by Eileen Stevens. May I just say that, while I vividly remember writing the scene where the Agent of Change is taunting Val Con — during this, my first reading of the novel as a novel, I was particularly struck by what the Agent chose to taunt him with.
“Vulnerable…so very vulnerable.” “We have seen it — cut one and the other bleeds. Kill one. Both die.”
In fact, he’s being taunted for having connections. For being human.
Wow.
Epic storytelling, past me-and-us. And truthly truth, as well.

What if I’d been the one to say good-bye?

Aaaand. Back pain has returned. We. Are. NOT. Pleased. Currently working on trying to up the efficacy of my superpower by doing what needs to be done, and when there’s a spike, telling myself, “It’s only pain,” and keep on with whatever it is I’m doing. Let it be known that I’m not doing the wire act, and certainly not the trapeze.

The local post office gives me to understand that the Perambulating Package is on the route jeep and scheduled for delivery at my house today.

Yeah.  We’ve heard that before.

A question for the Tech Folk, Internet Domain Division. If someone has registered a domain through a wholesale service and “can make any changes to the domain” that they wish to make, does that not make them the owner of that domain, regardless of if they allow someone else to register the domain with a provider, post content and act in all ways as if that name belonged to them? That the person registering the domain can, in theory, and at any time, evict the person using that nameserver?

Spanish Aunts.

…it seems that standing up is the current correct position insofar as my back is concerned, so I’ll be bringing the pages I have left to read of the WIP to the standing desk for perusal.

I have Tali in position under the standing desk in my office, and Rook in his box on the edge of the big desk, where he can get the breeze from the open windows, it being a nice enough day, so far.

What’s happening with you, today?

Today’s blog post title brought to you by .38 Special, “If I’d been the one.”

Anything can happen day

Wednesday. Sunny. Temp 74F Humidity 74%. Windows are closed.

I? have ordered in breakfast on the theory that I will eat an omelet if all I have to do is open the damned box and get a fork out of the drawer. I’m flailing around for strategies to get myself interested in eating food — and I don’t at this point care if it’s healthy, particularly — and came to remember that I never had any strategies for that particular quirk in a stupid quirky nature. When I was living with Steve, he cooked 90% of the time, and I’d sit at the table to be sociable, even if I didn’t feel like eating, and would have a bit of this or that while we were talking. Yes, Steve was a genius. However, that solution is no longer operative, and I’m a bit at a loss. And before anyone panics — I’m not sick, my stomach doesn’t hurt. I just — don’t want to eat. The urgency is that I cannot allow this to fall into a habit.

Argh.

Moving on to more amusing topics: The perambulating package is now in! South Portland. USPS promises delivery, but we’ve heard that song before.

We had a bunch of thunder and some lightning, but if there were violent thunderstorms in Maine last night, they were someplace else. While I don’t regret the violence — or the possible tornadoes — I do regret the thunderstorm drama.

Today’s Plan is to read the 100+ pages of the WIP, which will not only hopefully hang together as a tale, but provide sufficient hooks to hang the rest of the story on.

Writer math.

break to eat breakfast Which. Was. Good. Remember this, Self? Food tastes good. Sheesh.

A friend posted a meme yesterday about “When I was growing up, we were thrown out onto the street, helmetless, with our bike after breakfast and told to come home before dark.” Which encouraged some conversation including, “What is this “helmet” you speak of?” And that got me to thinking about How Things Change.

For instance. In my life — which, we do have to factor in the determination that we were writers above all else, which did have an enormous bearing on finances — I think that people who have two homes, or a camp, are well-off. The course of my life being such that we could barely afford one house, and were always skating the edge between solvent and me presenting Steve with a fanned hand of bills and saying, “Pick a bill. Pick any bill. The bill that you pick is the bill we won’t be paying this month.”

So, that. And then I think back to — my parents. Who had land in the mountains of Pennsylvania that they intended to build a camp on. They never did because they’d gotten taken in the matter of boundary lines and water, but that aside — they owned property other than their primary residence. My father was a spotwelder at the General Motors factory in Sparrow’s Point, Maryland. My mother was a stay-at-home mom.

Going back a generation, and the reason I’m so “surprisingly” at ease on the water, my father’s parents had a camp on Middle River in Maryland to which they retired every summer. They also had a mini-farm at what was then the edge of the town of Parkville, Maryland. My grandfather was a tailor for a large tailoring house (I often remember the name, but not this morning) in the city. My grandmother was a stay-at-home mom.

Tailor and spotwelder — these are not positions associated with great amounts of wealth. And yet, they were able to buy “extra” properties.

Well. The past is a different country.

Time to go to work.

What was your childhood summer like?

Monday morning

Monday and sunny and starting to warm up for tomorrow’s run for the Coveted Dangerous Heat Rating.

I have a cup of tea with me here at the desk and in a couple minutes, I’ll be rustling up some oatmeal.

Many thanks to everyone who expressed concern about my back and yesterday’s blackberry removal. Two things about that:

(1) The bush really wasn’t rooted very deeply. I basically poked at it with the shovel (see mile-long thorns), and it fell over. I went back inside, got Steve’s leather gloves, came back out, gave it a very small tug, and it came out that easy. The root was long, but not torn or broken, so it may be that I’ve got it all, which would be very unlike Blackberries I Have Known, so I’ll Keep An Eye Out.

(2) My back is a crapshoot. Or possibly I mean an abuser. This is how it works: Mostly, it hurts. Mostly, because of my Superpower, I can, and do, ignore it. Sometimes a piece of Kryptonite comes along, and pain levels escalate to where I can’t ignore them, whereupon I am Utterly Undone and Complain Incessantly for, eh. Two or three days. The pain then subsides to the Baseline Ignorable Level and I get back down to business. I do try to plan and consider and not overtax my back, but really, nothing placates it, and there’s no observable reason for having one day where everything’s fine, for values thereof, and another day where it hurts my back if I blink. Back pain was Ignorable yesterday afternoon, so — business as usual. Mind, if the blackberry HADN’T fallen over when I poked it with the shovel, I wouldn’t have gone any further, because I’m not completely nuts, evidence aside.

THAT said, on to Important Issues, in fact — Rookie the Cookie. Rookie starting drooling last night, and he’s still doing so this morning. While my two ladies do drool when they’re VERY excited, this is is not at all Rookie’s Thing, and he just seems to be…dripping. I don’t see anything wrong with his mouth, but what do I know. So! Rookie has won a trip to the vet 4:15ish this afternoon, Just To Make Sure.

I have phone calls to make today, and I really do need to pick up some stuff at the grocery (which we, too, called the “food store” in my youth — someone said this yesterday. Also, my grandmother had an “ice box,” and I still default to that, to the bewilderment of Many, and even though I haven’t seen an actual ice box, nor ice man, for … most of my life, actually), so — probably no writing today, which as it happens is just as well, because I had a Thought this morning that I really need to talk over with Steve. Lacking that, I’ve got a lot of thinking to do.

That’s the news from the Cat Farm.

What’s your news?

This just in: Rookie’s physician wishes to have him dropped off by 10, rather than brought in at 4, for Observation.

Guess I’d better find that breakfast I was talking about.

Then I am the King of the Cats!

Nonsense first.  Back when, I collected retellings of “The King of the Cats.”  This one came across my FB feed last night.  I’m not sure the link will work, but on the off-chance:  The King of the Cats
#
I’ve been needing a lot of extra therapy sessions lately.  Happily, my counselor is flexible:

#

Monday. Sunny and starting to warm up toward our climactic Unsafe Heat Event, scheduled for Thursday.

Plans for the day include calling the peach ripe, cutting it up and having it for breakfast with cottage cheese. Because I can. After, I’ll go on back to Steve’s office and do some writing.

Yesterday afternoon went pear-shaped. I threw the bedclothes in to wash and the washing machine lost its mind — it entered the spin cycle, and then would start over with a rinse, over and over and over (the water district sent me a message last night that my water use was 2.5X over the average, and I might have a leak). I finally managed to get a half-spin, and dragged the soggy sheets out to the wooden laundry dryer I’d gotten out of the basement and set up on the (sunny at that point) deck, and — long story short; everything worked out, but I always feel like it’s somehow my fault when stoopid technical stuff happens, and that if Steve were here, it wouldn’t have happened.

Which! Is patently wrong, and I can very vividly remember several times when Technology Struck and Steve was standing Right There.

Given the above, I did not attempt to double-string my mobile, but settled down with my ice tea and a book, and then there was the non-thunderstorm, and from there it just all spiraled into an unhappy evening.

Hoping for better today.

I’m about 230 pages into Alliance of Equals, which I recall many people complaining about. So far, I’m finding it much better written than Dragon in Exile, which surprises me, and not at all off-putting. Of course, I don’t mind books that jump around, so long as the author makes clear where we are, and so far the author has done so. Well. Maybe it all falls apart at the end. We’ll see.

And all that said? I’d best get breakfast and start the day.

What’s the weather where you are?

And, for those who are still with me — here’s the rest of the story:

Tools down

So apparently there’s an app that lets repair people know when you’re sitting down for lunch. Also, Rookie growled at the generator guy. Who is still working, having found a need to install a new battery.

Computers have been taken offline and the lights are out pending the “simulated power outage,” after which I suppose I will sign a paper and then Wander The House resetting all the clocks.
#
End of the day. It’s raining. I am Utterly Frazzled. I don’t say I’m at the edge of an…Undesirable Head Space, but I can see it from here, and it ain’t pretty. The cats have pulled in, which is very good of them. Perhaps an early glass of wine, after I finish up here.

Anyhow, that’s 1,260 new words on the day, bringing the WIP entire to +/-16,220.

Tomorrow, I need to make those correx to Kin Right, and also name a couple characters in the current WIP. I’m … kind of impressed that we managed a short story and a book without giving Uncle Rusko a last name. I, mean, I like Rusko; he’s a good man, and he’s good for Tranh. He deserves a last name, amirite?

Before I sign off for the evening, and hoping for a better day tomorrow — have a snippet:
Bry Sen had a black eye.
Mac Gold had a broken arm.

Of puffins, whales, and the futility of doing good

So, yesterday, I finally went and booked myself into a combo whale watch/puffin cruise.  That will be next Thursday, and I’m under orders to present myself to Cap’n Fish at crack o’dawn thirty so we can get underway.

Which brings us to — today!

Friday. Raining for a change. Sarah’s due in a couple minutes, and the generator guy is supposed to stop by to do his annual inspection of Station Systems.

Breakfast was cream cheese on toast with a side of cherries. Lunch will be leftover lentil-and-sweet potato stew that I managed to screw up when I was making it (put in twice too many lentils, and no, I’m not really sure how that happened). Still, it can be recovered, and so it shall at lunchtime.

So, the blood pressure med returned an amazing result for, eh? four days? And I’m back into alt. Stress is a remarkable force.

I found just recently that a person of known ill repute is seeking to align with my life’s work in order to make themselves seem legitimate and lovable. Said person has a history of harassing me, and the problem with the current tactic is that the target can’t even talk about it without sounding crazy, which is quite apart from the damage that can’t be blocked. Because the way these things work is that my lustre will not bestow grace, but will in turn be tarnished by this person’s actions.

I’m also in receipt of a contract for an interview, and my first reaction on reading it was “I wouldn’t sign this if it was a contract for a story.” Which, in essence, it is. So, that’s set aside for another reading in a day or two, in case the words rearrange themselves.

Also! I realized last night that I have made two errors — possibly three errors — in Kin Right that I ought to fix if I can, so have written to Baen Traffic with a query. And lucky I am that the book’s scheduled so far out.

Let’s see, what else?

Ah. The birds who nest in the rain gutter have returned, and Rookie is climbing the screen. Rookie being much bigger than he was last year this time, I expect the screen to shortly be in ribbons, so! New screen on the list.

Plans for the day include — writing! At least I know what the next scene is in the WIP, so there is that.

What’s the cat doing at your house, today?

Speaking of cats — yesterday, I had to call in my counselor, who was able to get me settled enough to write.  I may be making another call this morning.  Thank goodness I can pay her in tummy rubs.

 

City Livin’

Yesterday, I set up an Impromptu Crow Feeding Station, complete with a plateful of peanuts and a shiny Canadian dime.
#
Impromptu Station, Thursday 6:30 am. I suspect squirrels.

#
This is a cat whisker; it is five inches long. It was donated either by Firefly or Tali. Rook’s whiskers are black.


#
Thursday. Sunny and going to be warm.

The Rule of Three is barely restraining me this morning.

Moving on.

An inspection of Impromptu Station finds that the peanuts are gone, and the dime remains. Having no better ideas at the moment, I have replenished the station, though at this point I’m doubtless just feeding squirrels. I’ve also entertained several requests from house finches for PEANUTS! so I shelled some and scattered them about. Turns out that aggressively shelling peanuts is a good outlet for anger.

And now, having been both put out, and put off schedule, I’m going to go get myself a piece of toast and go to — nope. I’m not. There’s another wasp in the house, so wasp removal first. That’s the third since last night. I wish I knew how they were getting in.

And how’s Thursday at your place?

Mid-week ketchup

What went before — Tuesday: Saw Disclosure Day.

I have … mixed feelings.

On the one hand — looks pretty, gets on its bike and rides, and — granting that I have no idea what it means — the actors did a good job. And a plea for empathy is always in order, especially now, when empathy — Well. Paraphrasing Gabriel in Good Omens 2: If we have empathy, how will we know who won?

There are two Steven Spielberg movies that have been benchmarks of their kind for me, since forever: one was ET, the other was Close Encounters.

I really liked ET even knowing at the time that the storyteller entertained a vastly more positive view of humanity than I did.

Close Encounters? Made me nuts on so many levels.

Disclosure Day sits in the middle — ET‘s earnest belief that innocence and goodwill shall triump; and Close Encounters’ Imma scrape every nerve you have and leave you shaking with rage.

There was some good storytelling, and some o-so-stupid storytelling born of sheer wishful thinking on the part of the storyteller.

On the plus side, a bit of the movie was set in Sykesville Maryland, which happens to be in my old neighborhood. “Silver Spring 20 miles.”

Gotta go get something to eat.
#
Man, the car’s GPS hates Bath. I dunno, maybe it gets its brains scrambled by all the noise and metal and whatnot at the Iron Works.

I’m somewhat chagrined to find that, after a lifetime of people asking me if my blood pressure was always this low? It’s now high enough to require drugs — lisinopril, which Steve took, though a lesser dose, because it was treating a different condition.

I did have a very pleasant drive coming and going, down Rte 197 and thoseways along rivers and past lakes, through a pretty day with a blue sky. I did stop at the Maine Maritime Museum and took a stroll around the grounds to both soothe my temper (ref uneasy relationship between GPS and Bath), and enjoy the day before driving home.

Chores have been done, and I’m getting ready to knock off for the day.

And tomorrow — I write.

How’s everybody doing?

Let’s see what happens

Sunday. Rainy and Imma say “cold.”

Breakfast was eggs scrambled with veggies and cheese, and a side of toast. Hit the keyboard a little late, but still came away with 1,000 words, bringing the WIP to +/-2,045 total words.

Lunch was soup (ref rainy and “cold”) with cheese and crackers. I need to do my duty to the cats and take a walk in the basement, then I’m either working on my lesson conceits for the course I’m teaching in the fall (assuming anybody signs up), or coloring while I listen to Fledgling. I fear I’ll fall on the coloring-and-listening side of the coin. My father always said I was lazy.

Speaking of lazy. I read an article this morning about late bloomers, and how we celebrate the Brilliant Youth, but fail to celebrate the Elder who has worked an entire lifetime in order to hone themselves to a sharp edge in their chosen field. “Young people,” according to the well-known sage Mark Zuckerberg, “are just smarter.”

Why has no one ever slapped that boy?

Ahem.

Anyhow, I come before you as both a late bloomer, even a very late bloomer, and one of those tiresome personalities who cannot be bribed to do something that doesn’t interest them — a creature who becomes Deeply Entrenched in a subject (yes, I was the kid who would’ve told you all about the rocks, if I’d talked, which mostly, I didn’t), and learns everything there is to know, but ignores the five bucks offered to go do that Stoopid Thing Over There.

Apparently, late bloomers are also often “Let’s see what happens,” personalities, and this is where it gets interesting, at least to me.

When I met Steve, I was still very much struggling to understand most of the things around me. I had the rules for being a secretary and I was a good secretary. The rest of my rule sets weren’t delivering what I wanted, but I didn’t know how to find better ones.

Just throwing the rules out never occurred to me.

Steve was an instance of Chaos, a “Let’s see what happens” with whipped cream and a cherry on top. He knew how things worked, was a keen observer of almost everything, and? He could explain things, and didn’t think I was dumb for not knowing any particular something. You, perhaps, have no idea how attractive, “Let’s see what happens” is to somebody who had been taught to operate according to the rules. That all there is, are rules.

I knew I wanted to be a writer — I’d always known I wanted to be a writer — and I did know some of those rules, but the other rule sets like, oh, “talking to imaginary people is weird,” got in the way.

So, anyway, Steve taught me a lot, and, eventually, I grew into myself. His “Let’s see what happens,” steered him into side quests, but he always came back to writing, while I never found anything so fascinating as telling stories about the imaginary people I talked to. For years, we ran as partners, complementing each other, swapping what-ifs and let’s sees on the fly.

It happened slowly, but it did happen. One day I heard Steve say, “But I don’t know how that works,” and I heard myself answer, “Neither do I. Let’s try it and see what happens.”

I realized then that we had swapped places.

Which was a Moment.

Life, come to discover is all about Moments, spinning out, until they stop.