So, it’s raining, as it has been for the last few days.  For a couple of those days, I had back spasms and was therefore zoned out on muscle relaxants and pain killers, which you’d think would make some things easier, but — didn’t.

I’m finding the wind and the rain unsettling, which is something of an about-face.  I used to love wild weather.  Well.  Perhaps that’s something for young people, who may not be overly worried about trees, or wires, coming down.

I was born during a hurricane, as my father told me, so maybe I had a predisposition, or even a kinship.  I used to race the wind — at first running; later in my car.  I grew up in Baltimore, which was a thunderstorm-rich area.  I loved the smell of ozone, and would stand outside to watch the lightning crackle across the sky.

The weather in Central Maine doesn’t tend toward violent thunderstorms.  We get your nor’easters — wind and snow; wind and rain; your occasional sou’easter.  Hurricanes, ayuh, we get those, too.  And I find that I’m not a wind-junkie anymore, and that makes me sad.

In other news, I’m writing, slowly, and trying to stay on-topic.  It’s so very weird, not to print out the pages and leave them on the dining room table for Steve to read.  Instead, I print out what I wrote every evening, so I can read it over my  breakfast — that works, pretty much.  The worst part is when, mid-writing, I’ll ask myself, “And why are we doing this, exactly?” — it kind of derails the process.

Still, work is going forward, and I’ll take progress.

Below, proof of coon cats being on the case.



6 thoughts on “Forty-two”

  1. All I can say is, it will get better. Hang in there. So glad the Coon Cats have your back.

  2. I had a very different attitude to wind once I learned how to sail. I find it’s best to treat it like the ocean – with great respect for the power it can wield and the destruction it can wrought. (? not sure that’s the right tense) Glad you have the cats to tie you to the here and now.

  3. I found that privately doing some small, symbolic things as expressions of grief helped me to cope with the unexpected landmines, like finding that her handwriting had worn off of the bag of salt in the spice cupboard. The joy of some things is gone, but joy itself is only stunned and hiding in the closet for now.

  4. Progress is. Necessity is.
    Duty, Love, Work, Life, Grief.
    Just breathing is a wonder, isn’t it?

    You are doing as well as anyone could reasonably expect. And it’s okay to not be okay. You are not alone. You have people who love you … And would love to help with whatever you may need.

  5. @Lauretta – I had to look it up! “To wrought – Verb conjugation in English
    Tense Verb conjugation (Irregular)
    Infinitive: to wrought
    3rd person singular: wroughts
    Past simple: wroughted
    Past participle: wroughted
    Present participle: wroughting
    Imperative: wrought! “

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